Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The 5 greatest things I've bought in Super Campo 9

This is a post I wrote a while ago, but upon further reflection decided it wasn't particularly insightful, nor very funny. However, seeing as I have a few moments on an English computer and haven't posted in several weeks, I figure I'll post what I got. If anything is demonstrates how important the little things are, and how I find humor in some pretty urbane shit
According to stats I just made up, my town has the most super markets per capita than any other in Paraguay. The national average 0.23. I HAVE FOUR! Hell, there's even a chance that's true.

Not only do we have four supermarkets, we have the single greatest supermarket of all time. SUPER CAMPO 9.

Like the name says, it's super. It is my life line to awesome shit, not just from america, but around the world.

So without further ado, the five greatest things I've ever bought at Super Campo 9.

5) Natural Peanut Butter
    I buy this by the Kilo. Smaller units are available, but I don't know why you would purchase them. It's better than JIF, and even that Organic crap you just spent twelve dollars on at Whole Foods. It's got one ingredient. Peanuts. When I went on my hunger strike during my home stay, -also known as just not eating because the food provided was less than appetizing- I sustained myself exclusively on gummie bears and this Peanut Butter. To whoever is making this and selling it at such a reasonable price, I would like to kiss you on the mouth. It's delicious.

4) Paraguayan Seasoning salt.
     I don't know if this is widely available, but it should be. Don't know what to eat? Find heat source, coat food in seasoning salt, put food over, in, on, or near heat source untill food is cooked.  It'll taste good. Both food and heat source are optional.

3) Dr. Pepper.
     I just can't escape Texas. I live in the only town in Paraguay and maybe South America that regularly has Dr. Pepper. Now, If I can only find some Jack Daniels I'll be ready for Oliver to visit me.

2) Honey sold in a used Soda bottle.
      I feel confident I'm buying locally with this purchase. I pretty much bought this because of the packaging. A used soda bottle (Niko no less), and no label. I prefer not to think too hard about where they find their soda bottles considering my site-mate made has built an entire green house out of bottles found on the street. Nor for that matter do I think about how well washed they may be.

The owner of the honey farm has to have worked with a Peace Corps Volunteer. It just sounds too much like us. Either way, I commend this man or woman and their family for their industriousness and resourcefulness. I will continue to purchase your product so long as it is available.

1) The vegetable peeler/ Bottle opener/ Cork Screw/ Garnish knife.

     Not since page 47 of Kitchen Confidential has altered states of mind and food art been fused quite so well. You wanna get hammered while making a watermelon fruit basket? No problem. Getting the shakes and need to open a bottle of wine while in the middle of peeling carrot? I got you covered. Can't decide what type of booze you want to drink, but you know there are gonna be potatoes involved and they ain't gonna peel themselves? I have the tool for you.

This may be best purchase of my life. Right up there with the titanium spork. I just like owning it. It doesn't do any of it's individual tasks well, but what do you expect from such a Renaissance man? You can't be good at everything, but you can be sorta do the job at a lot of things. So to the Japanese guy that decided this specific combination of tools needed to be consolidated to a single unit, you are a man of unprecedented vision and valor. I salute you.